Bad Santa | Number Two Comedy of All Time

My number two comedy of all time is Bad Santa (2003). Well, Badder Santa if you want to get technical. I love this DVD! You can watch your reruns of It's Wonderful Life on TV all you want. Maybe you like those claymation elves and Santa. My style? Give me Billy Bob Thornton, John Ritter, Lauren Graham, Bernie Mac, and Tony Cox for my Christmas movie choice.

Bad Santa was also the last film John Ritter ever acted in before he passed away in September of 2003. He played the nervous and bumbling Bob Chipeska in this film. Although, not known for his dark comedy, I think Ritter did an excellent job portraying a nerd in this movie. This role helped the story line move along.

Coincidentally, it is also one of the final films Bernie Mac acted in before he died in 2008. Mac plays Gin, a loss-prevention manager gone extortionist. Honestly, when it comes to Bernie, I'd rather pass. The only time I have found Bernie's comedy remotely funny, was his stand up on Kings of Comedy! "I want some milk n' cookies!"

In my opinion, Billy Bob Thornton is genius! Pure, unabashed, true genius. Comedy gold. He plays an alcoholic thief named Willie, who simply can't get his life together. He hates children, yet he is plagued with them jumping in his lap and making a mess of him.

This movie is everything I want out of a comedy. The unapologetic crassness of this particular picture bumps it all the way to number two on my list of the best comedies of all time! It journeys into my realm of my particular, loved sense of humor. You don't see comedy flicks that are so real. Everyone is flawed, and swears excessively. The writing and insults are also insanely witty. Classic!

• Willie - Played by Billy Bob Thornton. Willie is the main character in Bad Santa. Willie is a has been... rather, a never was. Willie, a chronic alcoholic, has a knack for cracking safes. His lofty aspirations are those of opening a bar on a beach, and maybe marrying a waitress. An unlikely father figure, Willie (or Santa) finds himself squatting at Thurman Merman's (a.k.a. the kid), family residence."Is granny spry?" Turn on's for Willie (I'd imagine) are strong drinks, strip clubs, & scratch-it's. Turn off's: Bob Chipeska and "Shit-ass Mexico."
  


• Bob Chipeska - Played by John Ritter. Bob is a very nervous, spectacle adorned individual. He apparently does the hiring for the Christmas mall Santas and Santa's helper positions. Bob is not a very big fan of Willie and Marcus. Chipeska makes sure to keep a very watchful eye on the duo's every movement. He also finds himself extremely uncomfortable with little people, sausage fingers, and anal sex with large women.
  


• Sue the Bar Tender -Played by Lauren Graham. As a bar tender with an affinity for men in Santa suits, Lauren Graham is not the same Gilmore girl you are used to. Especially after watching her mount Santa in the front seat of his busted whip, then again in the hot tub with spry granny passed out in the recliner not far off. She has some deep seeded, childhood-tied attraction to Santa Clause. Sue helps Willie and Thurman throughout their wayward journey.
  


• Gin - Played by Bernie Mac. I gave most of the details for Mac's character in the intro to this post. Gin's role in Bad Santa is the mall's loss prevention manager. A lot of Mac's interactions take place in the office with Bob Chipeska. As he learns the truth of Willie and Marcus's motives, he approaches them with an offer they can not refuse. Literally, they can't. Not even if they wanted to. Luckily for Willie and Marcus he doesn't want to change their system. He just wants a taste. "Half..."


• Marcus -Played by Tony Cox. "We are men... and Louis. We get the shit." Marcus is the mastermind behind the Bad Santa and Elf operation. Due to his physical attributes, Marcus has carved out a niche in mall thievery. Motivated by greed, and pushed by his unholy significant other, he cracks the proverbial whip on Willie. Another roll he plays in the operation, is case the joint. He learns the layout of the mall, and disarms the alarms. With a fowl mouth and bad attitude, you couldn't design a better movie character. Could you? Go ahead and try. "Sketch it up Leonardo!"

Dumb & Dumber | Number One Comedy of All Time

Biztone's Number One Comedy of All Time

Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels created the one of the best comedic films of all time. This movie is one that I can literally quote, line for line, from the beginning to the very end. Classic!

While I know, many will argue that Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) is funniest film of all time... that film doesn't even make my list. I actually don't even find that movie even slightly funny. I know... shocker.

Dumb & Dumber is the number one comedy... no, number one MOVIE of my adolescent years. My middle school best friend and I must have watched that movie over 100 times. No joke, seriously like over 100 times. I'm talking about every 11 days for three years. "I like it... I like it a lot."

Over the years, I have bonded with new friends over Dumb & Dumber. In fact, one friend and I, always greet each other with quotes from Dumb & Dumber. "I got worms!"

The film is genius for it's lines, quotes, and writing. Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly, and Bennett Yellin wrote possibly the funniest movies of all time. With their creative talents, they gave birth to some of the all time great movie quotes!

The Main Dumb & Dumber Cast:

• Lloyd Christmas: Played by Jim Carrey. Lloyd opens the film as a limo driver. He is the first to meet Mary Swanson.... slippy, slappy, swimmy... Maybe it's on the briefcase! Lloyd has aspirations of opening a worm farm called "I've got worms," and going some place he knows somebody who can plug him into the social pipeline. He plays a part of lovestruck fool, who travels across the country to return a love memento to the girl of his dreams. A girl who gives him that old fashion feeling.
  



• Harry Dunne: Played by Jeff Daniels. Harry is the owner and operator of the shaggin' wagon (chicks dig it). He runs a mobile K9 (dogs... for the late person) grooming business Mutt Cuts out of it. Harry is the room mate, the best friend, and the would-be business partner of Lloyd Christmas. Harry is the co-pilot on the cross country trek to return the Swanson briefcase. While not all the way on board with the impromptu expedition at first, Harry finds himself smitten with Mary later on in the film. While he struggles with his best friend morals, Harry finds himself taking Lloyd's girl out in Aspen Colorado ("Mmmm.... California, beautiful!")
  



• Mary Swanson: Played by Lauren Holly. Mary is the film's inspiration for the road trip. Mary is introduced by hiring Lloyd to drive her to the airport in a limo. "If I know her, like I think I do, Mary should invite us right in for tea and strumpets!" As Mary flys off to Aspen, she seemingly forgets her briefcase in the airport! What a big goof! What do you think the chance of that are? Not good? Not good like one out of a hundred?
  



• Nicholas Andre: Played by Charles Rocket. Nicholas Andre is the villain of this film. While Andre and his cronies find Lloyd and Harry to be a pair of odd ducks... he does not think that they are Dumb & Dumber. He thinks that they are good. Real good. Andre holds Mary's husband ransom, while his two henchman work on recovering the briefcase full of money. "Husband? What was all that one in a million talk?" Anyway, Nicholas... we have plenty of towels... thanks.
  



• Kick his ass Sea Bass!: Played by Cam Neely. Not having a huge role in the movie, this man has been immortalized! He has to be mentioned. Sea Bass is a diner regular. Just laid back country folk as Lloyd would describe. While having an apparent strong appetite for ass kicking and a flair for trucker clothes...(believe me, I would never do anything to offend a man of his size!) Sea Bass is not a big fan of Harry and Lloyd. Although, he can't be all that bad. He did buy the boys a delicious meal after all. His hat is usually a fun trivia topic. It reads: "Wine 'em, Dine 'em, 69 'em." Look for Sea Bass in country diners and gas station restrooms across America. For manly love... be there... March 25th at 2:15am sharp!
  

Skullcandy Earbud Headphones

Music to your skull

I've been in the market for a while now concerning some headphones. I've been looking for something aftermarket, if you will... Skullcandy is that something. Skullcandy headphones are music to my ears... ney, music to my skull!

While I love, love my Sansa View... I am not crazy about the stock headphones that were provided with it when I bought it. Nor am I fan of the stock headphones provided with iPod's products either. Sure, they get the job done. They don't sound bad or anything. I just find then uncomfortable. I like Skullcandy's answer for ear buds!

So, what is so cool about my new, comfortable earbuds? Beside the fact that I can stand to keep them in my ear orifice for more than 10 minutes, they put out some super impressive sound. While blocking out other distracting noises and unwanted voices. What does the box have to say about this matter? On sentence that sells me every time. "Bass-Rich Noise Isolation Ear Buds."

The foam-like casing around the actual micro speakers are two fold amazing. They act as a natural noise canceling agent, as well as provide some super comfy padding. The speaker diameter is 11mm. The frequency range is 16-20K Hz, Impedance: 16 ohms. They also come with a Gold plated 3.5mm plug, so you get excellent sound transfer from your MP3 player or other electronic devices.

I'm kind of confused as to which set I have. I've recently seen them listed under "Full Metal Jack," no not like Gomer Pile. When I bought mine however.... the box says "Striker." Whether they are Skullcandy Full Metal Jack or Skullcandy Striker... I love them. Plus the black, zip, Skull pattern, Nylon carrying case is pretty sweet.

If you are in the market for some super high quality ear buds, and maybe don't want to spend the type of money it requires to get a pair of Bose headphones... I suggest you consider Skullcandy. It's a solid product. The company also seems to have a pretty decent consumer warranty on their products.

Led Zeppelin Remasters Lyrics

Led Zeppelin's 3 disc Remasters Album

I've never really known Led Zeppelin's music. I'm sure I've heard it. If you asked me to name you a song... I'd for sure draw a blank.

I think, if I remember correctly, a Led Zeppelin song came on at work... I asked "Who is this?" Jaws dropped, people asked "Are you serious?" I honestly didn't know who the band was, although they sounded familiar.

Who doesn't know who Jimmy Page is, right? Robert Plant, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham... who are they? Houses of the Holy, Physical Graffiti, Presence, In Through the Out Door, and Coda? Don't ask me.

Recently, I found out that Zeppelin did Stairway to Heaven. Which seems like everyone should know... I suppose. Even someone who can't name a Zeppelin song. I am more familiar with Eric Clapton's version. Stairway to Heaven has some of the most loved and hated lyrics of all time. This song is epic. The guitar solo alone, which is roughly six minutes into the track, is insanely good and timeless.

Led Zepp is working its way into my music library. I feel that within a few months I will know and recognize most of their hits. I even had friend give me their 3 disc Remasters. Which has been a very enjoyable and education experience. I look forward to learning their music.

Led Zeppelin|Stairway to Heaven Lyrics:

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have
Two meanings

In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are
Misgiven

Ooh, it makes me wonder

Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west
And my spirit is crying
For leaving

In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those
Who stand looking

Ooh, it makes me wonder

Ooh, it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason

And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will
Echo with laughter

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ooh, whoa, oh

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean
For the May queen

Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change
The road you're on

And it makes me wonder

Aw, uh, oh

Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him

Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow?
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

(Unbelievably insane guitar Solo)

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The truth will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying a stairway
To heaven...

See Also:
Led Zepplin - Whole Lotta Love (Lyrics)

Lyrics | Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge

Under the Bridge Song Lyrics

I have to say that the Red Hot Chili Peppers have made some of my favorite songs. The only problem was that I didn't own the older albums that contained these tracks. The album I did have, was the newer Stadium Arcadium. This was an album I used play often on my old radio show, as DJ Red Eye. However, I was in search of the older stuff from the Chili Peppers. So, I decided that I would have to download these tracks and add them to the music on my MP3 player... the Sansa View.

Since I'm not a big fan of iTunes and the iPod monopoly, I have looked to other places for my music. Although... truth be told, my sources probably aren't much better at the end of the day. None the less, I've been very impressed with purchasing both MP3 tracks, and albums from Amazon.

The other night, I went on and grabbed three tracks from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The songs I downloaded are Under the Bridge, Californication, and Otherside. These songs were super easy to find, and to download. Well, they should have been easy to download... of course I didn't read the prompt box that says "Would you like to open the track or save the track?" I opened it, and missed out on the download.

Amazon was very cool about it though. I sent a quick email to the support and they hooked up the downloads within a few hours. Now I've got the music I want, and for only $0.99 a song, or the album usually under $10.00.

Song Lyrics | Red Hot Chili Peppers- Under the Bridge:

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses the winded
I never worried, now that is a lie

I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love,
Take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love,
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love,
Take me all the way
I don't ever wanna feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love,
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away